Leaving the Zooniverse
by cookiemunster
Summary: Leaving the Zooniverse is hard on everyone. Its sad, kinda funny and a little bit angsty. One Shot rated T cos I like T


**Ok, I was feeling angsty on a Sunday night. It's kinda sad, kinda funny and we all know how it's gonna turn out. And it's a one-shot, to celebrate my hundredth ever review!**

**Leaving the Zooniverse.**

Vince woke early and glanced out of the hut window at the grey London dawn. A strange sense of sadness, an emotion Vince rarely felt, fell over the spiky haired scamp.

The zoo was closing.

Vince sighed and hauled himself off the camping bed he'd spent the night on. He looked over at Howard Moon, his best friend, who was sleeping quietly on the brown settee.

He and Howard had had many adventures at the Zoo. Traveling through Arctic Tundra, fighting Kangaroos, calming Llamas down. Vince couldn't believe those days were over.

But the Zoo had to be closed, thanks to Dixon Bainbridge and Bob Fossil running away with all the zoo funds. They had gone to L.A to take up golf. Or was it archery? Vince couldn't remember, and more to the point, he didn't care.

Vince wouldn't really admit it but the Zooniverse closure was hurting him a lot. He was saddened by the fact he would no longer work with all the animals. He would miss all the staff. And he couldn't bear to say goodbye to Howard, Naboo and Bollo.

Howard was going back to Leeds to start a Jazz revival. _Ha_, Howard said, _the Kaiser Chiefs and Forward Russia would have nothing on him! _

Naboo was going back to Xooberon and he was taking Bollo, who had recently become his familiar, with him.

And Vince was going to stay in London, in the flat he rented from a mate of Naboo's. He'd get a job soon enough. How long he was going to feel this empty was a different matter.

Vince stood in the virtually empty hut and sighed. He then reached into his bag, pulled out a small bottle, and headed to the hut's small bathroom. Today was a day for mourning and Vince was going to mark the day in his own unique style…

Howard woke up a few minutes later. He surveyed the empty hut. Empty… funny, even with only two people in the room the hut would seem crowded and full off life. Now it was as empty as an _Embrace_ fan's head.

Vince had already gotten up. Howard realized he was going to miss the little man more than ever.

He'd gotten so used to coming into work and seeing him every day. To having irreverent arguments about the merits of ferret badgers over plain badgers and ferrets. To fighting over the last Jammy Dodger. To ending up in perilously dangerous situations and somehow not ending up mashed to bits.

Howard sighed. Truth be told, he'd rather stay in London. It had become his home and his friends were here. Vince, the best friend he'd ever had lived here. Funny, the two men had had a shaky start at friendship and even now, both thought the other was a complete fool. But from that a strong friendship had grown and neither one of them liked to comprehend a future alone.

'_Flipping heck, I'll be telling him I love him next'_ thought Howard. He got up and got dressed into a polo neck and slacks combo (he no longer wore his uniform as the Zoo had shut) and made a cup of tea. He then went outside, for a final wander around the Zooniverse.

* * *

Naboo found himself in a similar despondent state even after 7 hours of meditation (okay, okay, sleep). Naboo hadn't wanted to join the Zoo in the first place but had stayed, saying it was only a temporary thing. Now he didn't want to leave. He certainly didn't want to go back to the planet Xooberon. That place was bloody boring compared to the mean streets of London.

And he'd miss Vince. He and the electro freak had become mates. And Howard… he'd miss silently mocking Howard. The guy was nice enough and he couldn't help being a bit of a knob sometimes.

Naboo sat up on the cushions in the back of the Zoo kiosk, rubbed his eyes and put his turban on. A Shaman wasn't a Shaman without some mystical head gear. He sighed and couldn't help feeling melancholic. This wasn't going to be an easy day.

* * *

Howard wandered past the Ape Salon and down by the Chameleon Boudoir before looping back round to the hut.

He wandered in to find Vince, his hair in a turban-style towel wrap packing away his Jagger shrine. There was something very upsetting about seeing a grown man wrapping a pair of inflatable lips in bubble wrap.

"Oh, hi." said Vince in a distant voice.

"Hi, tea?" asked Howard as he began brewing his second mug of the day. Vince nodded and turned back to his boxes. It was long ago stated, that in an event of sadness, British people, must, _must,_ drink as much tea as is physically possible. God only knows why. The last thing you need is to feel bloated, depressed and dying for a piss at a funeral or something.

Vince finished packing and picked up his lime green mug. _His_ mug. Howard's was blue with a chipped handle. Howard liked very little milk and no sugar. Vince liked milky, sugary tea. They sat down on the settee, neither of them talking. They'd been friends for ages, worked together every day for 3 years and now they couldn't think of a thing to talk about.

"Nice tea" Vince ventured.

"Yeah, it's Tesco's own brand." said Howard

"Really?" said Vince.

"Yeah there was a special offer and it was Fair Trade, and I know you like fair Trade stuff so…" Howard trailed off.

Three years of friendship and their last conversation was about tea? Tea? It wasn't even Earl Grey! It was standard tea! It came in bags, it was brown, it gave an aromatic blend of flavours which were enjoyable without being overpowering! Bloody Hell! It was just tea.

Howard resolved to say something to Vince. He wanted to tell him how he didn't want to go back to Leeds. How he wanted to stay. But then Vince stood up, put his mug down and went to fish his hairdryer out of his overnight bag.

"Thanks for….. the tea." said Vince.

There was something oddly final about that.

Naboo and Bollo were packing Naboo's various 'ornamental glass smoking instruments' into Naboo's magic carpet. It was like Mary Poppin's one except it had a large 'Legalize It' sticker on the front.

Naboo looked around the hut one last time. Pretty much everything had been packed away. The magical mirror that had allowed Vince to save Howard from limbo, the dart pipe he'd used to tranquilize Ivan the Bear and then Bob Fossil, the pictures of Vince, Howard and Naboo at an early _Libertines_ gig. Naboo had looked sadly at that picture and thought of the irony. _The Libertines_ had been split up and now the Zooniverse was being split up. (Not because any of the Zoo workers had severe drug related problems or anything. )

Naboo sighed and picked up the carpet bag. It was, of course, ridiculously light. Ah magical paradoxes… gotta love them.

"You OK?" asked Bollo in his rough voice, holding the hut door open for Naboo.

"Yeah, I'm OK." replied Naboo, knowing he was lying through his teeth.

* * *

Howard had spent ten minutes chatting to Mrs. Gideon. She still didn't remember his name, not that it mattered anymore. She and her panda friend were heading out to China to set up a panda sanctuary. She was going to be OK. Howard wished her luck and went back to the hut.

It seemed pretty much all the zoo staff had something planned. Joey Moose, who had got over that little 'being dead' thing, was heading back to his native Australia to teach animal maintenance (don't ask). Chris, the turnip man, was going to set up a photocopying shop, as had been his life long dream (again, don't ask) and various others had found positions at different Zoos around the country.

Howard leaned against the hut wall. He looked at the, now empty, hutches that had been home to Techno Mouse and his mates. The animals had all been rehoused and Bollo was being cared for by Naboo. Pretty much everything had been sorted.

Howard spotted Naboo and Bollo leaving the kiosk. He waved at them and they headed over. They stood together and comprehended the situation.

Now, if they'd been honest, they would have all started crying simultaneously. However, they were all male and they had to put some of that 'stiff upper lip' nonsense into action.

"So, you're all packed I see" said Howard

"Yeah, heading back today, no point in wasting time hanging around here." said Naboo

"Nope, I'm heading back to Leeds as soon as we lock the Zoo up" said Howard. Apart from a few other Zoo keepers, they were the only ones left at the Zooniverse.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then." said Howard and the two of them shook hands.

At that point, the newly raven haired Vince Noir swaggered out of the hut. He seemed to radiate 'down but not out' vibes. He looked like the England cricket team after a test against Sri Lanka. (They always seem to kick our arses)

He threw down his bag and grab Naboo and Bollo in one arm and Howard in the other, for a skinny bastard he was quite strong, and hugged them to him in a massive bear hug.

"I'm gonna miss you guys!" said Vince. It seemed like they were the first true words that had been said that day.

He released them and smiled sadly. He picked up his bag, and his boxes that were stacked against the hut wall, and waved a last farewell.

"Bye!" he said, a little too brightly, "Stay in touch."

Then he wandered up to the gates.

"Vince!" called Howard and Naboo in unison

Vince turned back. He looked at the three of them, all of them struggling with what to say.

"You're hair looks good" said Bollo eventually.

Vince beamed as Naboo and Howard agreed with the ape. It did look good.

"Thanks" said Vince and he walked out of the gate. Halfway down the street he turned back to wave at Bollo and Naboo, on the magic carpet, heading for Xooberon. Howard waved as he drove past in the camper van, as he headed for Leeds. Vince waved back, and headed off in the week Spring sunshine.

* * *

**Three Months, two days and about 8 hours later.**

Vince had been napping on the black and white retro sofa in the comfy flat he rented. The flat was a little too large for Vince by himself, so he had considered getting some roommates. But London was full of weirdoes and Vince thought he might as well just live alone. At least then he would only get mugged when he left the flat rather than when he was still at home.

Anyway, it was turning out to be a hot summer and Vince had been napping in the mid afternoon sunshine. He didn't go outside for the risk of getting a tan. He had been sleeping quite comfortably, when he was woken up by the flat intercom.

Blearily, he stood up and wandered over to the intercom phone, picked up the receiver and muttered 'Yes'

"Vince!" said the voice from downstairs. A voice Vince recognized very well.

"Howard!" said Vince delightedly and immediately buzzed him in. 40 seconds later, they were both stood in the lounge grinning at each other.

"What're you doing here?" asked Vince, "What about the Jazz?"

Howard sighed and said " I missed London… and I had some bloody awful reviews in Leeds!" said Howard, being honest with his friend. Vince grinned.

"So, you'll be needing a place to crash then…" said Vince.

Two hours later Howard had lugged most of his boxes upstairs and Vince had made a chili. They sat on the sofa, talking about what they'd done while they had been apart. Vince had worked at worked at a record stall and had rented the flat in Dalston. Howard had played some god awful gigs in Leeds and had longed to return to London. That morning, his flat mate had nicked twenty quid out of his wallet and Howard had decided it was the final straw. He packed his bags and headed to Dalston, where he knew Vince resided.

As Howard finished his tale, a light suddenly appeared in the kitchenette and began glowing and pulsating bluish, sparkly light. Vince and Howard were transfixed as the light began to take shape. As the shapes became clearer, the light intensified, and then faded, to reveal Naboo and Bollo, back from Xooberon.

"Vince.." began Naboo. "We need a place to stay. I'm not living on that wanky dustbowl any longer."

"It's fine by me" said Vince grinning.

And the evening past by in a haze of chili, weird alien alcohol and John Coltrane records. And a great time was had by all as The Boosh were back together, mighty as always.

**Ok crap ending, I know. But it's late. And it's a hint to the stage show (when Naboo says 'Lets bring Back the Boosh!' and they run in on the magic carpets) love u all, reviews appreciated.**


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